my #streamteam january

It's a NEW YEAR. Someone really needs to add a holiday to January though. Or hire it a new PR Rep. Currently January means REFRAIN. That's a terrible slogan.

Since it's the adult thing to do, I must roll with everyone around me. The herd is sprinting and I gotta keep up. If I'm at the back, stumbling around, covered in Doritos crumbs and yesterday's socks, I will be picked off by life and mounted as a cautionary tale: The Woman Who Thought December Was Eternal And Now Cannot Even Fit Into Her Maternity Underwear.

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i have a history of passing out

I was a hearty kid.

A stocky kid.

A kid with an iron gut and properly screwed on head. I would have made a fine pioneer.

Then puberty happened and I was transformed into a fragile cluster of bones and meat and organs that couldn’t handle certain foods, temperatures or stressful situations. Thus started my long and storied tradition of passing the fuck out.

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my #streamteam december & my 2015 netflix recap

I'm full. In every single way I am so full. And it's fantastic.

We're always supposed to look forward but damn - looking back is really good for my heart.

Even just traipsing back through my #streamteam posts, it's not just about what I watched late in the night when I should have been asleep. I see glimpses of where I was, how I felt, what was important and what made me laugh.

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stella bit me and other untold stories of 2015

There isn't a spot for it in her Baby Book, but First Independent Bath should ABSOLUTELY be heralded. Unless you enjoy your asshole falling asleep after sitting on a toilet seat lid for 25 minutes every 2-3 days for 5 years, the day your kid can bathe themselves is the very definition of a Banner Day.

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my #streamteam november

After the Hellmageddon of my kid's first year where my kid was like "fuck you, sleep" and I was like "I don’t like your attitude," we made it to the Holy Land of 12 months old where she slept through the night consistently, and I started to feel like a real girl again.

After stretches of 7-8 hours sleep, my brain was clicking and clacking on proper routes again; I was seeing the world through eyes that didn’t burn and sting for being open for 7863 straight hours, walking with correct posture, and not shooting hateful eye lasers at bachelor friends who were yawning because they "slept too much last night."

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get your Groupon Coupon on!

Remember when we had to Christmas shop using only our our feet? Remember MALLS?!

Ok, it's not the year Cyber638282 yet. I know many of us still mingle with the masses, sweating in all the wrong places because it's -67 outside and +68 inside the mall. (Malls should have Coat Checks. And flask rentals. JUST A THOUGHT, MALL MANAGEMENT.)

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