i've fallen and i can't get up

It pains me to know that my kid will have to one day hunt the depths of the deep internet to get the title of this post.

But not as much as it hurts to actually legit fall down.

Have you fallen recently? I have and I'd like to solemnly express how really fucking bad it is.

Read More

my #streamteam october

Things that are creepy:

When you enter a communal work bathroom with a plethora of empty stalls but choose to go into the same stall that your co-worker is just exiting, then you make eye contact and wink at them. Seriously - don't do this at the office or you will be labelled the "creepy winker." (I was thinking about how to make this even creepier:  A) Audibly inhale once you’re in the stall and then make a contented happy place sigh or B) Start laughing uncontrollably.)

Read More

are you lonesome tonight? {almost coherent parent guest post}

September sucked my soul out my butthole. There are no words. I ate them all. All that to say life away from the computer kept me so kerfuffled last month that I ghosted my own website. 

In times like these, when your blog sits desolate and alone, it helps to have friends. Talented and funny friends are even better. My buddy Andrew from Almost Coherent Parent has come to rescue me. I hope he forgives me for adding a "u" to every "neighbor."

Read More

my #streamteam september

Everybody has that special someone. That actor or musician or entertainer that is seemingly dipped in sugar, is practically perfect and can do no wrong. You're blinded by your admiration (lust) and will seek out every project they dabble in no matter how god-awful and pandering it may look.

When I was a pre-teen, Corey Haim was the ONE. Every movie he starred in, no matter how dumb or ridiculous or low budget it looked, come opening night my movie ticket was purchased and gripped snugly in my sweaty chubby fist. Until I got my popcorn, then both hands were fully invested in transporting every fat-soaked kernel into my chew hole. (PS - Remember when movie theatre popcorn made with coconut oil was deemed to be the devil's snack with as many calories as 18 Big Macs or something and now we all LOVE and chug and bake and gargle with coconut oil? Nutrition is weird.)

Read More