i am a terrible neighbour

I grew up dreaming that as an adult I would own a house. As of today, that particular dream has not come true. And probably never will. (I also dreamed about being Mrs. Corey Haim and filling out a B cup so I should be used to my dreams being doused in animal urine and set aflame in a compost bin filled with huntsman spiders.)

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why you should barf on the bus

I had a week off earlier this month. Even though it's summer and when I scroll through my Instagram feed it seems like the whole world is not at work, it felt weird.

I typically save all my holidays up for Christmas so I can take a glorious expanse of time off in December.

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things we can all agree are terrible vol. 2

Have you ever had creative blue balls?

Like you have so much STUFF thudding around in your head that you need to blarf (blurt + barf) onto your desired medium, but you keep missing your moments where you can actually DO IT and FREE IT from your brain cage, and then you feel all stopped up and frustrated and start writing embarrassing updates on your Facebook Page about your vagina that reach more than 20,000 people (which is simultaneously fascinating and mortifying) and then you pull over in your imaginary car and yell at the steering wheel (made out of a giant cinnamon-sugar flecked pretzel), and put everything you're supposed to be doing onto a raft and shove it into the ocean like a viking funeral pyre so you can just sit down and WRITE.

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