i have a history of passing out

I was a hearty kid.

A stocky kid.

A kid with an iron gut and properly screwed on head. I would have made a fine pioneer.

Then puberty happened and I was transformed into a fragile cluster of bones and meat and organs that couldn’t handle certain foods, temperatures or stressful situations. Thus started my long and storied tradition of passing the fuck out.

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stella bit me and other untold stories of 2015

There isn't a spot for it in her Baby Book, but First Independent Bath should ABSOLUTELY be heralded. Unless you enjoy your asshole falling asleep after sitting on a toilet seat lid for 25 minutes every 2-3 days for 5 years, the day your kid can bathe themselves is the very definition of a Banner Day.

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i've fallen and i can't get up

It pains me to know that my kid will have to one day hunt the depths of the deep internet to get the title of this post.

But not as much as it hurts to actually legit fall down.

Have you fallen recently? I have and I'd like to solemnly express how really fucking bad it is.

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