mustache on fire

God bless the USA: There was an odd couple from Montana in front of us in the ferry line up Friday that made me hope the entire ferry sank just so they would be taken care of. I think my main beef is that the man looked so much like David Cross, I expected him to be funny & great, but no. I got my heart broken when, at least three times within the span of a minute, he let loose with juicy horrific belches. I was standing beside Nuv leaning against the car, and the noise was like a guttural foghorn that goosed me, and disappointed me very much. I stared at him for a minute, willing his mustache to catch on fire, then slowly got back in the car.

JKL: My new shit is driving with my right arm outstretched across the passenger side head rest like a white trash Uncle. It sucks when my entire arm falls asleep and chunks off into the back seat, but the rhythm I pound out on the back of the seat cannot be denied.

Strategery: I don't know when it started, but the sound of low, canned music from a radio makes me punchy. I think it's just the non committal of it all. If you want music, make it audible. This issue has arisen nicely at work as our Receptionist insists on pumping in soft rock through her phone. You know, the best receptacle for clear, static-free singalongs of Celine Dion damaging my favorite Heart song 'Alone.' Every goddamn day. Normally it's at least low enough so that I don't slow burn for 8 hours, but today she pushed it with the volume and I had to slam in my earphones & prematurely listen to the music I'd specifically loaded for my epic afternoon of filing. Not even Frank Black howling could totally keep me from fantasizing about shot-putting her phone off the roof. At noon, I heard her mention she was going for lunch shortly, so I asked her as gently as possible, if she wouldn't mind turning down her phone volume before she left? She looked over at me, and apologized profusely and turned it way down. I felt like an asshole. Who knew that merely JUST ASKING NICELY could save me from hating life and all its inhabitants?