Augustus Gloomp

Snozzberry: Whenever I check a lottery ticket at those automatic dream giver scanning machines, I envision the scene from 'Charlie & the Chocolate Factory' (the Gene Wilder one) where Charlie sees the edge of the golden ticket poking out of his chocolate bar, his smile splits his face in half and a fellow shop goer raises his one arm in the sky, nearly wrenching it off as they all shout for joy. I think if I won, I would pop the ticket in my mouth and just fucking run high speed back home. Sit in the bathtub with my laptop triple checking the numbers, then make the most joyful telephone calls ever. 

I wear a life jacket at the aquarium: My Mom almost died in a public swimming pool when she was little. There was a propane leak or anthrax leak; I'm very good at listening so I can't remember what leaked, but it was very very bad. She had to swim the length of the pool underwater to get to where everybody had gathered, yelling at her, so they could evacuate and breathe sweet fresh air outside. My Mom's entire family are pool prodigies with flippers for feet which is very confusing because despite taking at least three separate sets of swimming lessons, my entire body becomes a spluttering anchor when I am immersed in water. I can't even dunk my head in the bathtub without plugging my nose with one hand. Other things I terribly reek at-keeping my balance, admitting defeat even with the threat of punches, cutting a straight line with scissors and not licking butter off a knife.

OK Computer: Loaded my favorite Radiohead album onto my Ipod for work drudgery. 'Karma Police' made me stop filing because it is so beautiful. I'm angry we didn't have this for our first dance at WeddingMania 2007. "..for a minute there I lost myself.."