auguts

STEP off Siskel & Ebert: Nuv & I have seen two new movies two nights in a row, in a movie theatre that is not our living room. This is absolutely unheard of. Typically Nuv's nonchalance-and-slow-strut-with-a-cigarette attitude combined with my clock-watching-stomach-lining-set-afire panic totally combust and we end up downloading stuff or forgetting about the 'Must! See! Or! Die! New! Shit! Film!' because I am buried alive in US Weekly's that I can't bear to throw in the garbage, and he's still fixing the iTunes Library, a task akin to dismantling the Great Wall of China, then re-doing it. With your teeth. And a pirate eye patch. (Tropic Thunder & Pineapple Express were good. Danny McBride was great in both.)

My New BFFF: When I told our waitress at Earl's that I had celiac's and can I just have a bite of dry lettuce with a punch in the face on the side?, she BLEW MY MIND by saying, "are you sure? We have other options you can have." Turns out her Grandma has celiacs, and she herself was tested. I learned this after jumping up from the table, hugging her for an hour, then skipping together holding hands back to the kitchen. She rattled off like 3 things I can eat IN A PUBLIC RESTAURANT that aren't rice with butter, and I chose a salad of some kind. I was so delirious with excitement, I can't recall what it was called, but it had lettuce and beans and corn and avocado and reddened chicken and lime and zesty dressing and candy maybe?? I don't know, but there was something sweet and chewy in there too, and you could have told me, oh that? That's pickled sweetened skunk toes, and I would. not.have.stopped.eating.
(Haven't barfed yet=successful gf meal!)

Proud but so unproud: A couple of weeks ago I stood raging in line at 'No Frills', a bargain grocery store that saves you money but steals a ml of your soul every time you enter. The people in front of me were classic fumblers, there was blood leaking out of the ground beef I'd bought, and the overflowing little yellow baskets I was holding were slowly tearing my arms in two at the elbow seam. The old lady in front of me with her life savings in a plastic ziploc baggie dropped a toonie. I looked at it for a long time, like a dog with a bone just out of reach. I knew whoever was behind me was watching too. Now, typically I would have scooped it up, handed it to the old lady, smiled and shit out a rainbow. Not today gentlemen. As soon as the cashier told me I couldn't get a bag for my dripping meat crisis, not without paying for it, the Butcher's Mistake!, I stepped calmly onto the toonie, put my earbuds back in, waited till the old lady left and pocketed it. I then horribly bagged my own groceries, ate a placenta and fell. Something along those lines.