outfitted

This is what I wore today:

->Underthings (to keep the magic contained)

->Socks with dogs holding umbrellas (because I'm 4)

->A long sleeved thermal shirt that is pink with a pattern of white hearts (because there is a wind chill factor at my office AND it was only $8.98 at Steve & Barry's AND it's designed by Amanda Bynes who was on that shitty show with Jennie Garth that Sarah used to watch unabashedly every day)

->Zellers pants that are black with subtle purple stripes

->White hoodie with blue cuffs and nautical pictures on the back and an anchor on the zip pull which is what made me pay $150 for it in some horseshit factory boutique in Vic

->White semi-formal beaded necklace

->Dangly pink bubblegum shaped earrings

->Black Etnies with perpetually untied white shoelaces

->My blue work lanyard with a picture of me where I look "tired" according to Nuv. Read "shitty."

So, put it all together and you have....Ridiculous. 
I looked at myself in the mirror at work and realized I have zero style.
It was an outfit a six year old would wear if she wanted to wear everything she loved that she didn't want to lose in a house fire, out to dinner at Dairy Queen.

Despite my adult ensemble, I did learn today, after much bargaining with Union heads and cash bribes, I get to keep this job but scaled down to part time once school starts.
I cooly walked out of my Boss's office and gave myself 10 hearty highfives on the way back to my desk.

Reasons I didn't get around to writing anything yesterday:
Nuv & I decided to test our wedding vows and try and hang some pictures. Actually FOUR pictures, so it was mildly comparable to four dental drills being slid up your asshole. After many crossed arms discussions and staring at the 0.5 mm remaining wall space we have left, we finally took the guns away from each others heads and decided on a spot. We ran out of acceptable condo hammering time, so measurements were made, I played with Nuv's iPhone and thought I broke it, and we now have to actually hang them tonight. Two nights in a row of domestic bliss?? CAN IT REALLY BE TRUE?

There is a large cupboard way down in the bottom left of our kitchen where I stash tupperware and our Cuban houseboy. It has a fold out door on it (like 2 cupboard doors combined with a hinge, if that makes sense) and I had it half open and lunged down to grab something and the corner edge stabbed into my left upper arm so hard I thought it may have gone all the way through my arm, out the back and down the hall into the bedroom. I came hopping into the living room, cradling my arm & making shameful noises. I quickly used up my last sympathy points of the day from Husband, and continued on burning dinner. (PS-The bruise is unruly)

Our fantastic niece came over and by some disgusting fate of Hell, she bailed really fucking hard, face first with no hands up buffering, onto our underlay-less carpeted floor. How could an angel on this Earth who whispers "whassat?" and points to every single molecule around her, wearing a three piece co-ordinating Little Mermaid outfit (overalls, shoes & bonnet) have such a cruel wipeout? The single trickle of blood out of her nostril nearly killed us all. But she's a Takhar, thus brave and awesome, so she rebounded in a flash and won't hate our everloving guts forever for not catching her. (The love I have for this kid takes my breath away. I'm nearly certain I will need to be lobotomized once I have kids, so I don't throw myself out of trees every time they get a paper cut)

Anticipating the phone calls I get to make to Student Loans. It's such an anticipatory feeling of knowing I'm going to have a long and frustrating fist shake to the sky relationship with them. 

Tracking down the inventor of Safeway's artichoke and asiago dip and shooting them in the face. It's so good. I'm so angry.

Realizing the sole reason I bought and carried around the 6 lb box of Cookie Crisp for Nuv-the Speed Racer cereal bowl pictured on the outside of the box-was actually something you have to send away for and not actually in the mofo box. Sending UPC codes in the mail? That still exists? I carried a box of high calorie garbage cereal ALL day, ALL through Seattle for no reason whatsoeffingever? (Painful disclosure-it totally clearly states this is a mail in offer in bold black letters which Nuv spotted right away when I handed the box to him all singsong 'here's your present!" I snatched it back and stared menacingly at the box for a while. It didn't catch fire)