25 things

I've recently been flooded with some amazing versions of this note on fb where you share 25 things about yourself. I will be as careful as possible to not turn this into a PostSecret type awkward debacle. Here goes...

1. I went to Australia in 1999 for six months. A trip every girl should take by herself sometime in her life. As of right now my Mom is still paying off the Visa I took with me. (That sentence alone gives away many more things about me-my intensely amazing Mom, horrible money handling skills, and lack of adult responsibility. Hey-yo!)

2. I don't listen to sad songs. They may be beautiful, inspiring, and drenched in love but they just make me sad too. 

3. For one year after I got married I was OBSESSED with other people's weddings. You have no idea. There are about 50 websites and forums devoted to weddings and the obsessive detail that goes into them and I stalked these websites like the answer to all of life's questions lay within them somehow somewhere. I was super embarrassed about the whole thing, only looking at them if I was by myself. Rocking in a corner, murmuring about favors, ribbons and cupcakes. One day I got busy doing something else, and that was that.

4. I use my celiac disease to eat like a ten year old. I have snacks instead of meals. Nothing is combined; everything is eaten by itself. Like I forget what a dish where things are combined and share flavors tastes like.

5. On a boring car drive in the dark by myself I will pretend I am in a movie and make up some dialogue and act my fucking heart out. The gold standard is where I get a call on my cell phone, and then somebody pops up in the back seat and takes me hostage. The scene is cut when I pull up to a red light because if anybody saw me doing this I would turn to ash.

6. When I was 10, we lived up the street from a summer camp. I found out they were filming something there and became obsessed. Movies and movie stars and TV and filming and becoming Candace Cameron was such a magic dream fantasy land for me that I could hardly believe there was now magic happening JUST UP THE STREET. For that entire summer I would walk past the camp, at least once a day, aiming to be discovered. I never saw any camera crews or filming. Just tall bushy trees blocking off the camp, but if perchance some Director poked his head out of the shrubbery and just happened to need a girl dressed in her Mom's clothes and LA Gears to finish an integral scene, HERE SHE WAS! 

7. I cannot end a phone call or visit with my Mom or 27 year old brother without saying "I love you." This stems from when we were little and would holler down hallways at night to each other at bedtime. I was Scooby Doo, Koleman was Scrappy Doo. I also have selective OCD about this, like the one time I don't say it, one of them will be crushed under an ice truck or something. Nuv is now part of this circle of love.

8. After losing my maternal Grandparents, I cannot fathom in any way, shape or form losing a parent or sibling or Husband. Knowing that this will happen one day takes my breath away. Also, fuck you Flaming Lips for the lyric, "Do you realize that everyone you know someday will die.."

9. I have stood many many times watching myself cry in the mirror.

10. I use Splenda instead of sugar. I also steal it from Starbucks and Tim Hortons. It is the only thing in life I have ever stolen.

11. In all of my school years I only skipped one class. We had a substitute teacher. I felt nauseous the entire time.

12. I wish I had tried more hard drugs when I was younger.

13. The day I got married was the most surreal, "You're acting out a significant day in your life, but it's not acting, it's you and right now" moment.

14. I slept on a twin bed until I moved out of my Mom's house.

15. I drove home from Seattle to Vancouver this summer on a spare tire not exceeding 50 mph. I have never been more anxious for a four hour stretch of time in my life. Now every time I hear something when I'm driving, my brain is all, FLAT TIRE! FLAT TIRE! FLAT TIRE!

16. I have no gut instinct. This makes a lot of things harder than they need to be.

17. I can't remember a single line from any of my favorite movies. 

18. For the first eight months of dating Nuv I could not look into his eyes 
when we fooled around. He was so fucking hot to me that I was afraid my ovaries would burst into flames if we locked eyes.

19. I judge everybody harshly in my head. Like you really can't win when my brain's jury is in session.

20. I have lost my sense of style over the last few years. This makes me angry and sad, but I do nothing about it. 

21. I can only fall asleep if I'm holding ear plugs. They may never make it into my ears, but I know they're there if I need them. This started when I went traveling and European girls would get up early and pack using only Safeway bags which sound like crackling bulldozers in a hostel dorm room at 6 AM.

22. I am overly possessive of Nuv's friends, and when a girl does them wrong, I want to kill her.

23. I first dyed my hair in Grade 4. Blond streaks y'all. I am now growing out my hair which means no dye. It has nearly killed me watching all the grey hairs show up to the big dance on my head.

24. I worked at a job for four years where I only spoke on the phone, yet I am still nervous calling people. People I know and love. And I have to pace when I'm talking on the phone or jet fire will shoot out my bum and ears.

25. Getting on an elevator when somebody is already on there makes me instantly CRAZY ANXIOUS. I can't just stand there patient and nonchalant. I will take off a shoe and shake out a non-existent rock, or ask Nuv if he is working today when in fact we are riding the elevator down together so I CAN DROP HIM OFF AT WORK. That's a little DOOOOYYYY combined with a dash of DEEEEEERRRRRR right there.

Your turn.