So Them Rings And Things You Sing About, Bring 'Em Out Vol. Five

The Lifesavers (Plus One)

I might as well have these dudes phone numbers in my phone and a BFF necklace split many ways, because every day I use/love/make out with them. Plus one very special guest appearance of one item I have never opened but refuse to toss..

1. Remember when The Body Shop was THE SHIT? When you got a gift basket at Christmas from your favourite Aunt and everything smelled so glorious and citrus, and once you started babysitting you'd take your 11$ in there and buy your Mama a small vial of the only scent she ever wore, White Musk? But then, in later years, the prices went up and the sales staff obviously had some type of new credo of ATTACK AND BELEAGUER YOUR CUSTOMERS because I could not go in there anymore. "Just browsing, thanks" wouldn't work; they'd be on you like a backpack until you left muttering under your breath. But they do have a rep (right or wrong) for being more humanitarian, and with slightly purer ingredients than their older, cooler, cheaper sluttier sister, Bath & Body Works, so when I was wanting some good stuff for my skin, I braced myself and went into a location. The trick - go later at night when there's just one Sales Associate working and at least one other customer in the store. I could smell the Associate's blood churning while she was kept busy by the other woman, as I opened and smelled about 60 things, totally alone and unencumbered. It was awesome. Ultimately this Cocoa butter moisturizing stick smelled the most delicious, so I bought two. I get an extra special bonus pleasure putting it on my throat in a slicing motion, looking at my reflection like, "Who's dead now, bitch?"

2. I bought this Marcelle face powder from Shoppers over a year ago for about 12$. Purchased solely for the corpse fair shade and reasonable price, it is still half full. It is unreal. Great coverage, and if I accidentally dump a pile down the sink or down my chest, who cares? Whereas if it was M.A.C., I would be hunkered down in the bathroom for hours with a strip of scotch tape, carefully transferring each lost powder morsel back into the jar. 

3. Okay, I either bought this in Japan, or from Daiso. Either way, it's a small pouch of makeup remover wipes, but I cannot open it and use them. Because then the little clown faces would have to be thrown into the garbage and if that isn't the saddest thing I would ever see, I don't know what is.

4. This Revlon Beyond Natural Skin Matching Makeup was totally a free sample that was attached to some other thing I bought. So the wrong shade for me, but if I use just a smidge, it is AWESOME. It's basically a foundation and moisturizer in one blast and it goes on and changes colour like your face is a mood ring. I got it before Christmas and have eked out almost every little last squirt. Once it finally sputters out, rest assured I will track down the right shade in a larger size and buy it many times over.

5. My new love - heavy dangly earrings given to me and made by my friend Alexis. She is talented, non? It makes everything I wear look instantly more stylish.