My darling. For however awesome it is floating in your uterine spa of tranquility and dusk and gentle bubbles, take your Mama's word for it: IT IS SO MUCH BETTER OUT HERE.
Join us. Not only do we have HBO, we have sunshine punching its way through the clouds, which in September is nothing short of a miracle. Also: Homemade applesauce! Puppies! 4G networks! Tea with too much milk and sugar! High speed internet with anything you ever wanted to know, see or masturbate to! Books with fat pages for your little hands to turn. Halo 3! Grammas clawing their faces off with impatience! Aunties and Uncles clutching their cell phones with white knuckles waiting for those magic words: It's heeeEEEEeeeere!
Also: those delicious taco chips at Lolita's. Caramel sauce. Graphic novels. Massaging chairs. The smell of dryer sheets. Scotch. Sushi. Car rides to places Mama and Pops don't care about (Science World, Aquarium, the zoo), but we will take you. And we will fake like it!
Oh, and BACON. For fucks sake, we have bacon.
It's time to come see what all the hoopla about life and Earth is all about.