12:22 Friday afternoon

I was a stumbling toe-stubbing monster last night heading to bed. So I did what I lecture others about - neglected to take off my makeup, brush my teeth or even change my pants before crawling under the covers. I won't tell you how many times I had to whip them off to tend to a kicking crying kid because you'd laugh and then buy me a nanny.

The amazing thing is whenever I wake up not having scoured off eyeliner and mascara, my eyes looks great. Like professionally smudged and sultry and ready to give great small talk in a dark club with a sweaty drink and great dangly Jovee earrings.

This was my brunch today.


You know that skit from Portlandia, Put A Bird On It? Ever since a "rad, they sell this here in a giant bag" discovery of quinoa at Costco, I have been putting quinoa on it. And by it I mean salad, eggs and in Stella's skeptical mouth. My mother-in-law even makes me roti out of quinoa flour. I'm sure I'll be sick of it by the time the bag is done but for now it's taken the place of Doritos as my favorite food obsession. And it's pretty much healthy and will give me lustrous skin and hair and restore my face to when I could drop $120 on a thimble of Creme de la Mer. Right? RIGHT. KEEEEEN-WAAAAAH.