x to the z

As a Mom I should probably be all swoony and sh-t about Bon Iver & lavender pedicures. As opposed to wearing pajama pants with cake on them and having this ("Call it whatchoo wanna call it, I'm a f-cking alcoholic.") running through my head all morning. That magnificent fortitude of fashion & hip hop made it tolerable when the kid ate approximately 1/8 of the magnificent squishy toast (french toast made to sound more exquisite for a 19 month old) that I made dragging ass in the kitchen at 9 am when my body thought 11 am would have been much more suitable for consciousness. And then she swiped a small cup of water off the table that magically tripled in volume when it hit the floor and became an adorable wading pool for crumbs. Currently six swans are lightly treading on its surface. We named them all Elmo.

My brother is moving out from the nest known as our Mom's place next month. We both took our sweet ass time getting out of there. I moved out only because I got married, 3 months shy of my 30th birthday. There is no shame in that sentence. For the two years previous I was a wanderer, sleeping either at Nuv's apartments or at various foster homes I was minding (aka watching tv, eating and cultivating a healthy fear of 16 year old girls who were amazing liars).

Near the end, I only had a twin bed, a floor, some laundry and file folders of receipts in my room, but it was still home. Until she left us in a brave last gasp, middle finger in cancer's face, my Gramma lived downstairs. Her door was always open, her fridge always containing that can of soda, pickle jar or pudding cup that would totally make your life so much better. This was where I lived from 16-30. Where I starved myself, where I healed myself, where I gathered friends, where I ate out of large salad bowls instead of washing a dish, where a Christmas branch would be anchored in the corner with dental floss, where a pet door was carved out of a wall, where we said goodbye, hello and always (always) I love you. Why would I have left any sooner?

Have an amazing long weekend. I'm going to go find some more flowers like these and pretend I know how to weave them into my hair.