What I'm doing instead of writing a proper Blog Post:
Ignoring a fire alarm in my building. It's NEVER a fire. It's ALWAYS at 2 am. Today at least it was in the late afternoon and didn't affect my life. Skin and belongings and loved ones = intact.
Trimming my nails and wishing I could operate a nail file. That super short squoval shape is my current jam, and I can kind of skritch skritch skritch to make it happen using my right hand on my left hand's nails. But as soon as I move the file from my right hand to my left, my brain goes "DERPITY DERP DERP, what IS this?" and my left side goes still and is a huge jerk. So, as you can guess, life is just really hard for me now.
Clicking all over the She Eats website. Sometimes you jump around the internet and then you find a site that grabs your shirt collar and yells "ARRETE." (For some reason, this voice was French.) So, I obeyed. Check it. This is where I found the bourbon-soaked cherries for Friday's Perfect Ten links. And there's spiked berry butter, pineapple and cheese skewers, and a podcast to subscribe to...
(Speaking of podcasts, are you digging the #yupnopepodcast? I just need to tell you one thing - it is the most pure and creative way I get to express myself, and every minute I spend with my brother as an adult makes all the furious childhood scraps and scrapes and yelling and slap fights and tears shed 100% totally worth it. Bottom line: Siblings are the best justification for your parents having sex.)
Organizing my makeup. I threw away eye shadow. I threw away eye liner. I KNOW. You're rocking back and forth and totally beside yourself at my flippant disrespect for shades and colours. BUT here's the thing - for someone as snobby and shitty as I am about makeup, I somehow always have a solid big handful of bullshit dollar-store waste-of-time doesn't-work-or-last makeup. That I keep. And have to shove my way past to get to my everyday face essentials. So, tonight they sleep with the (bathroom garbage) fishes.
This is Step 1 of my "big adventure in girl town" this week. I'm going to apply a faceful of makeup every day and re-apply real Chanel lipstick after every 8 swigs of water and meal, and see if I can pull off "adulthood" for 7 days. Pre-kid, I had so much fun playing with makeup. I want to do that again.
Adding new documentary titles to my Netflix Canada List. (Undefeated, The Imposter, Bill Cunningham New York, Page One: Inside the New York Times) This is the most satisfying endeavour of all time ever. NOW - I just need to quit my job to create a time machine to travel back to the summer of 1987 so I can start and get through all the titles. #streamteam - why you so bad/good to me?
Trying to finish How Not To Calm a Child on a Plane by Johanna Stein. Guys, she's so funny. And I read a lot of funny Moms. And she's so great. And one day I hope to drink a bucket of sangria with her.
Thinking about the broccoli, chicken and cheese grilled sandwich I made yesterday in a true feat of using leftovers in ALL the ways. As I ate it I imagined Kyla making fun of my hipster sandwich. And I can't argue. Broccoli really has no place hanging out in a sandwich, but Dempster's new GlutenZero bread arrived on Friday and I had some beautiful cold broccoli salad, so I made them make out with some mozzarella and chicken chunks and it TOTALLY worked. It was a weird arranged marriage that I will do again and again.
Waiting (im)patiently for East Van Jam's 2014 line to be ready. I got to bug Natalie and hang out when she was powering through jars and jars of the Saint Claire plum jam. Her stuff is SO goddamn good and I can't wait to party with all the flavours when she's ready.
And JUST LIKE THAT, I totally tricked myself and the world and wrote a Blog Post. #solid