what else to expect when you're expecting (the lessons learned)

So, it was on. We’d told most everybody close to us, so that I now felt like I had a nation of millions holding me up during the end of the rough patch. Then came the business of childbirth. First up, I had to make the difficult decision to change Doctors. This swap was purely because of distance - and the last time I had seen my MD in Delta, my transmission blew. I know this probably only happens once in a car’s lifetime (cue a quick pan down to my parking garage, under the engine of the car, where the new transmission slowly starts to leak and unscrewing something of its own accord, like a shitty Transformer), but living an hour away from your MD, if not necessary, begins to get silly and complicated when you’ve got a fetus in the mix.
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lessons learned (in brief)

At the halfway mark of this pregnancy, here are just a few tips for any girl thinking of getting a kid up in ya:

• Don't watch Up, unless you're ok with swollen eyes for 24 hours.
• Don't hold any amount of pee in for any amount of time, because if you happen to see a friend get accidentally whipped in the face in a restaurant by another sheepish friend, with a whip purchased by another friend in the parking lot of the Taj Mahal, you will laugh so hard a sizeable squirt of pee will come right out of you.
• Popsicles are your friends. Creamsicles are your soulmates.
• You will have to buy a real bra with an underwire for the first time in your life and at first it will feel like 2 iron rods clamped to your ribs and your boobs will hate you, but check your reflection. BOOBS!
• Head on down to Target right away for cheap, cute and functional maternity clothing. At 6$ for a pair of black tights, you can buy 12 pairs AND still have money leftover to buy the most adorable single serving Ben & Jerry's cups they sell in the food aisle. Oh Target, why aren't you in Canada??!! I'll gladly trade you an Old Navy and all of the Canadian Tire locations for just one..

eyes & feet

99% of the time I wear my contact lenses. I have a long and awesome history with being blind, starting with wearing a disposable eye patch when I was four. Used to cover my good eye so that my lazy eye would perk the fuck up, it meant every night it had to be ripped off my tender face. I am amazed I still have any eyebrow hair left over that eye, and that I let pictures be taken of myself that, of course, provide great comic relief today to everybody but me.
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