what else to expect when you’re expecting (the fiestas)

Monday night we went on a tour of the Hospital where the bubs will be born. Us and 80 other expectant couples. Not that I thought we were special, but evidently September is crazy busy for the maternity ward because of all the Christmas, New Years and Valentines Day coital celebrations. I thought I was overly judgy of regular girls. But pregnant girls – I ripped them to bloody shreds in my head. But only the ones that still had visible collarbones, toned arms and cute outfits. AKA all of them. There should be a sign at the Vancouver city limits stating in large print: All dumpy pregnant women head back to the suburbs. There is no place for you here.
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what else to expect when you're expecting (the guilt)


All the high falutin’ plans I had months ago: swimming, yoga, bonding with other pregnant women in my neighborhood, walking every night, doing kegels at my desk, drying fruit, sitting calmly and reading…ALL BULLSHIT. None accomplished. Zero. I did four kegels once and spent the next two hours dribble peeing.

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