i love apple cider vinegar

God knows I love a good elixir. Tea, coffee, juice, heady liqueur; even warm bathroom tap water can taste like sweet nectar under the right circumstances.

I love it even more when there is Internet-sanctioned bountiful health benefits attached to a liquid (unless I have to go out of my way to buy equipment, learn to do something or grow something). So, sorry laborious juice cleanses, wheatgrass smoothies and herbal tinctures. I think you’re sincerely cool, but just not as easy and delightful as my new tart sidekick: the new future that is Apple Cider Vinegar.

If you haven’t heard all about of my tangy trollop of a friend, Google it. The Internet has lovingly compiled gorgeous articles like “27 uses for Apple Cider Vinegar.” “Apple Cider Vinegar – is it just us, or is this even better than Porn?” “How Apple Cider Vinegar can heal the holes in a marriage AND jazz up your ho-hum dinner marinades!” “Apple Cider Vinegar – it's like George Clooney exploding in your mouth!”

Something like that anyway.

So, how do I cultivate my daily ACV obsession?  Every day I take a shot straight from the bottle just to be Mom hardcore. I use it to make a pan of kale and spinach a little more interesting. I gargle with it to eliminate throat tickles. I daub it on pimples.

It’s the JUICE that CAN’T LOSE. 

But, wait. What if it could do MORE? Could it fix my life in ways that haven’t even been charted?

Something like this perhaps…

Is your kid whining in the back seat of the car about the lack of snacks even though within reach she essentially has her own personal frat fridge? Simply spritz an Apple Cider Vinegar and water spray above her head and commence instant silence and gratitude.

Is that car pulling beside you in traffic to budge in making you a little stabby? Make eye contact with the driver, slowly pull a bottle of vinegar out of the glove box, uncap it and thrash it all over your boobs. They will reverse and get back in line immediately.

Intermittent grey hairs starting to look a little wiry and Halloween-witch wig substantial? Apply an Apple Cider Vinegar mask and your greys will suddenly become tiny antennae for helping discern which line at the grocery store is the quickest.

If the flying car and robot masseuses are still distant dreams, I’m willing to put all my stock in vinegar.  Won’t you join me? I want you to fall in love too.

Really, I just need some reassurance that it's more of a whole body game changer and less of a caustic acid that will result in tiny punctures in my bowels and future me trying to hold my anus together with tears and duct tape.

{this post originally appeared on Blunt Moms}