Back in 2010 when I was breastfeeding for what felt like 17 hours out of every day, having Pinterest on my phone saved my life. It let me create these tiny worlds, faux realities where I gardened, crafted, remembered how to use Photoshop and knew what to do with asparagus and truffle salt. I pinned my days away.
And then it got to be too much. The acid in my stomach looking at heroic seas crashing onto beaches I would never sink into. The resentment that bubbled up soaking in Kinfolk-ish linens layered on tables with mismatched cutlery and sprayed dandelion seeds. The ache that drummed through my head realizing I would never do any of the toddler crafts with salt dough or squelching sensory sand.
I devastated myself by pretending the life I created via my Boards was right and if not that, then I was wrong.
I stopped going on the App. I remembered that I wasn't such a useless pile of sh-t and that I could do stuff. I was okay.
This last Easter weekend I had a small clamshell of blueberries, navy blue and sweeter than they should have been, and a small container of that Liberte lemon yogurt everyone freaks out about. (It's really that good.) I remembered the very first recipe I ever pinned - yogurt covered blueberries.
While Stella napped I got my toothpicks ready and spent some tedious quiet time propped in the corner of the kitchen carefully dredging tiny berries through a deep bath of yogurt and then onto a parchment covered tray. Once the tray was dotted with white globules, I slid the tray into the freezer for an hour.
As the timer went off I realized, uh, what now? If I let them thaw, it would be a slimy mess but if I ate them right away, ergh, there's a lot of cold crunch to that bite. So I ate a small handful after letting them defrost for about 10 minutes in a bowl I like. Because. Pinterest.
I have started to slowly pin again, looking for Paleo muffins which are shaping up to be my big online crush this year. I am being careful to not get sucked into the mindf-ck of oh GREAT, I will NEVER be able to pull off that manicure or the slow head shake of disbelief of what some people can do with $4 of screws from Home Depot in a rental kitchen. I remember I am still a good person if I buy my Playdough, will never have a chalkboard wall and can't create a gallery wall from doilies and polaroids of my grandparent's dogs.
I made some mostly edible, practically healthy snacks in an afternoon where I could have been watching that Katy Perry documentary on Netflix. I'm good. Me and Pinterest, we're good again.