My amazingly amazing friend Olga Mecking, aka The European Mama, dropped all her amazing life responsibilities to guest post for ME. Dazzling. I love this piece as an unofficial companion to my 'how to become a successful blogger' piece that is so grumpy. I hope you love this too. Take it away, Olga!
It’s every blogger’s Holy Grail: the viral blog post. The one that gets seen by every single citizen of each and every country even if they don’t have Internet access. For a little blogger like me, this goal seems to be just as evasive: in my four years of blogging, I haven’t been able to write even one viral post. No, actually, that’s a lie. I wrote one, but it wasn’t on my blog, which kind of doesn’t count.
But I want it. I really want it. The viral post and all the annoyances that come with it.
I want it. My precious.
They say that you when you want something, you have to make a plan of how to get it.
Like the geek that I am, I did some research and found several types of posts that go viral.
And like the nice person that I am, I wrote a post about it. For you. So you too can go viral.
Think Barney’s Playbook, only for bloggers.
Don’t worry, you can pay me back when you’ve made all that money from writing.
1) “The X lessons”
10,372,633 Lessons I’ve Learned from Doing Nothing. (I’m so deep.)
27 and a Half Lessons from My Dishwasher (including: don’t forget to put in the tablet.)
Lessons I Did Not Learn While Cleaning (hint: you can’t learn anything from cleaning because it’s so boring it feeds on your brain cells.)
The idea is simple: you write about an experience that taught you profound lessons about life, parenthood or yourself. Preferably all three because you really need to be meaningful. Think deeply about this. Then write. And then, go viral. Simple.
2) The “The Day…”
The Day I Realized I Like Sleep.
The Day I Had Exactly One Coherent Thought. (Hint: the thought was “let’s go to sleep.”)
The Day I Decided To Eat That Chocolate.
In this category, something happens to you and you turn it into a writing goldmine. Don’t be afraid to write a tearjerker. You need to move people to share you. And when they do, boom! Virality guaranteed.
3) “The Challenge”
The "Get up Every Day For a Year!" Challenge
The "Watch Netflix for 24 Hours Straight" Challenge
The "Will Not Clean for a Month" Challenge
This is also a no-brainer. You take on a challenge and keep it up for as long as you said you would: a day, a month, or a year.
4) “The Controversial Post”
Pick one from any of these topics:
SAHM vs Working Moms
Putting Baby to Sleep
Writing controversy for the sake of controversy can be a wonderful way to drive cosmic traffic to your blog. Exploit everything for the sake of the viral post: your sex life, your kids, your husband. I don’t care. Nothing is off limits.
5) “The Magical Words”
The Three Words that Will Help You Fall Asleep (These words are: ‘Go to sleep.” Duh.)
The Magical Words Every Woman Wants to Hear (“I’ll do the dishes,” obviously.)
The One Word to Turn a Bad Day Around (I can’t write that word here since I don’t swear but it starts with an F.)
Sometimes, you see blog posts promising that they’ll solve all your problems, all your family’s problems and world poverty in one go. They will help your kids become geniuses, make you a better parent, improve your marriage and allow you to get everything done during the day. You just have to say these words and live them too. Easy-peasy, done!
6) “The Carpe Diem”
I Regret Sleeping at Night. They Grow Up So Fast!
Never Let Your Kids Out of Your Sight! Carpe Diem!
Forget About Your Needs! Tomorrow, they’ll Be Adults!
This is the type of post that pulls your heart strings. It all goes by so fast so embrace the chaos, enjoy the moment, slow down and go with the flow. People suffer from FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) so feed on that! Tell them that if they miss just one little thing in their kids’ lives, they are bad parents and their kids will resent them. Forever.
7) “The Judgy Expert”
You Will Screw Up Your Kids and I Will Totally Judge You
Here’s How to Put Your Kids to Sleep the Only Right Way - My Way
If You Don’t Follow My Method of Parenting, I Will Personally Come To Your Home and Laugh At You Until You Cry
Tell other parents, without leaving any doubts, that they’re going to screw up their kids big time if they don’t listen to your advice on sleeping, feeding, disciplining and schooling. Make fun of other parents’ mistakes and tell them they’re doing it all wrong and how they can do it better. Preferably, you will also have written a book about your method. Self-published is totally legit.
I know of many other posts ideas that have the potential to be read by the whole universe, but I simply cannot go on sharing all my secrets. After all, I am in desperate need of my own viral post and I'm getting close. I can feel it.
Olga Mecking is a Polish woman living in the Netherlands with her German husband and three trilingual children. She is a translator, blogger and writer. The European Mama is a blog about her life abroad, raising children and travelling. She also is a regular contributor to World Moms Blog, BLUNTmoms and Multicultural Kid Blogs, where she is also a member of the board.
Her writing has been published on Scary Mommy, Mamalode and The Huffington Post. When she's not blogging or thinking about blogging, she can be found reading books, drinking tea or cooking. You can join her on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram.