Inspired by the insanely good Life in Chains series on Eater.com, the impeccable Emily from Well Fed, Flat Broke and I did some fast food chain reminiscing. My piece can be found on her site here. (If you missed hers on my site earlier this week, it is here.)
It's a long chunk of reminiscing that is in no rush. I asked my brother about the golden arches as I was writing it and he gave me this glorious chunk of text that any connoisseur of fine fast food will appreciate.
I'll let him take it from here...
Only rookies eat their Big Mac's like a sandwich. If you want to really enjoy the true essence of Ronald's flagship product, you need to break it down.
I like to think of it as a tasting menu at a fine dining restaurant. Every few minutes a micro portion of a meal is presented and you're encouraged to really savour the tastes that fill your mouth.
First, you remove the top part of your Big Mac. It's a dry, sesame seed-topped carbohydrate filler. Boring on its own. However, the trick is to make sure that you asked for a side of sweet-and-sour sauce and McChicken sauce when you placed your initial order. Smear these on the bun with the French fries from the bottom of the bag and you have a delicious vegetarian burrito.
Sip of Coke to cleanse the palate.
Next, the boring piece of meat, when compared to its cheese and onion flecked counterpart nestled further down in the sandwich/dining experience. It gets bundled up into another burrito, this time the slice of bread in the middle with the secret sauce and lettuce. No fries needed here. (I'm not a total glutton.)
Cleanse with Coke. Sip. Swish. Swallow.
Now, here's where mistakes can happen.
Attached to this last meat patty is the cheese. This is the only moment where you get cheese. (Unless the corners of the cheese square come off and stick to the bottom bread. That's just a bonus, like the extra chocolate on the tinfoil lid of a snack pack.)
First timers will devour this mini cheese meatza. Don't. Leave it. It's a new flavour experience. Keep it for the end. Instead, grab your fries and veggie burrito them with the bottom bread. It'll taste similar to the first serving of this meal.
Cleanse with Coke. Sip. Gargle. Swallow.
Now, in the twilight of your Big Mac Moment, you get the part of the burger you came for.
The Cheese Piece. It's magical. It's wonderful. It's a combination of everything a good human wants.
Cheese. Meat. Sauce. Some straggler strands of lettuce.
Do not, I repeat, do not take this piece and sully it with sauce. Keep it pure. This is a journey, and you should end it on a high note.
Or a spike of insulin. Whatever.
That's how I eat my Big Mac's.
Also, once when my sister was a vegetarian, I dug out her discarded cheeseburger patties from the garbage and ate them.