three ridiculous things my kid said this week

Having a kid is almost as entertaining as Netflix.


*Wipes tear-streaked face with giant towel. Stares out window for a while to catch my breath.*

No. No, it's not. One thing will keep spoon feeding you delicious television shows and movies and occasionally checks in to see if you need to take a pee or snack break.

The other thing will interrupt all your viewing satisfaction, holler at you when she needs poo wiped from her butt, and then either beg for all your snacks or hover close to them asking repeatedly what you're eating, then make exaggerated interpretative "EWWWW!" noises and faces.

Clearly one of those things is better than the other.

But I already wrote about Netflix this month, so Stella stories it is...

1. In an attempt to teach Stella some beloved Canadian children's classics, I was singing Sharon, Lois & Bram's famous song about nothing, Skinamarinky Dinky Dink. 

Me, all dramatic arms and offkey: "I love you in the morning and in the afternoon, I love you in the eveningggg..." 
Stella, not looking up from her iPad, deadpan: "I love you in my butt."


2. Stella and my Mom ride the bus on Thursdays. Stella has decided to be the Official Greeter for BC Transit. An elderly Asian woman boards and sits across from them.

Stella: "What's your name?"
Woman, flustered by her lack of English, waves her hands around and says apologetically: "I'm Chinese."
Stella: "Hi Chinese, I'm Stella."


3. Saturday morning we're out for a walk in our bustling neighbourhood. Waiting for the light to change so we can cross the street, we are surrounded by approximately 200 people.

Stella, with vigour and volume: "Mom, we don't cut off boys penises, right?"