my 2017 #streamteam february

Have you ever done that super cool adult move where you are asked to do something WAY out of your comfort zone (like light years away) but because it isn’t happening for a long time, you say “yes” and, I guess, assume between then and now your very essence will change so much that by the time the thing you said “yes” to rolls around, you will be perfectly fine with that decision?

YEAH ME NEITHER.

Last year I successfully auditioned for a live show called Listen to Your Mother, where I stood up in front of a crowd, mouth dry as a tomb, and read a piece I had written about toilet training.

The podium hid my panicked body well, the bright lights made the crowd just a big black blanket, and my only visual was the glowing neon Exit sign. I made the crowd laugh and it was delicious. I went from “please let me get through this so I can escape back to the comfort of the crowd” to “maybe I should stay up here forever entertaining you gorgeous people.”

One of the other speakers, Janice Bannister, is a master of comedy and teaches stand up comedy via Laughterzone 101. Late summer 2016, she asked me to perform in The Mother of All Comedy Shows in May 2017. Even though I have never done stand up, suck at improv, have no memory and have never written a joke in my life, I said “yes.”

Guys, in case you forgot it’s the end of February so May is VERY CLOSE and oh my god what have I done?

This is me right now.

This is me right now.

I did a very smart thing and signed up for Janice's Spring session of Stand Up Comedy classes to prepare myself. The first class was last week and the first thing I did was cooly take the mic off the stand and snap it into 2 pieces. That’s not a sign, RIGHT?

So, in February while I nursed a slow panic about this show, I used Netflix as the greatest distraction crutch. I hopped from show to show, speed-dated them really, and then re-watched old wonderful comedy specials (which only made me clutch my pillow and murmur to myself “I’m so dead.”)

Here’s what I dabbled in – maybe you can let me know which shows are worth going back to, if I live long enough to do so because one can stress out enough about something to make their heart stop, yes?

Riverdale

Have I ever told you how much I was obsessed with Archie Comics as a kid? I blame that comic for giving me false hopes about what high school would be like. There were NOT constant misunderstandings and endless pizza, and boys were much more complicated than Archie Andrews. I DO have a high tolerance for teen soaps (RIP The O.C.) and I knew it was un updated take on the comic of my golden years. I can handle Moose not saying "D-uh" and Jughead not wearing a crown, but I was miffed that the actor they cast to play Archie has abs but is NOT a real ginger. Weird, right?

Santa Clarita Diet

Do NOT watch this show if you are eating your lunch at your desk, because you will have to pause, look around while you scream in your head “DO NOT BARF” and casually smile at co-workers who don’t know you just saw fingers being chomped off a human hand.

Bates Motel

I find it super intimidating to jump into a new series when it has many seasons staring at me but I a) love being creeped out and b) have always heard amazing things about it, so I watched the pilot and it was pretty creepy and pretty good.

John Mulaney - The Comeback Kid (for the second time) (which I never do) (but this is so good)

Hi John, you are the best at this. Thank you for making me feel terrible.

Chef’s Table Season 3

I loved Season One and was kind of meh about Season 2 but Season 3 is on a whole other level of genius. The chefs they have chosen (obsessed, rude, wanderers, outsiders) are all super fascinating people who just happen to consider food as so much more than something to shove down your throat. I watched this show while eating Doritos, but in a thoughtful and mindful manner.

I Don’t Feel at Home in this World Anymore

This wonderfully bleak and hilarious and ultra-violent movie won the Grand Jury Prize at Sundance; those films are typically only accessible for 3 days at an indie theatre nowhere near my apartment. I waited all day Friday with gritted teeth ripping through all my adult responsibilities (GET TO BED I HAVE ALREADY DONE A LULLABY AND THREE STORIES) so I could collapse and watch this and I LOVED IT. I laughed at many many terrible things I shouldn’t have and when it was done I jumped all over social media to bully people to watch it too. That means you too, adoring reader. GO. WATCH.

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Some of my fellow #streamteam bloggers have been chatting about “Netflix cheating” wherein you sneak ahead alone and binge more episodes of a show you started with your partner. I just laughed and laughed like an old married woman who is a CHEATER DELUXE.

Watching shows together is for the first dewy days of a relationship where you only want to be touching each other. Ten years in and it’s every Netflix account for itself.

As a member of Netflix Canada's #streamteam I will be giving you the straight goods on what I'm watching each month in exchange for a yearly membership. It's a match made in heaven, really.