A new month in a new year and HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED. I am feeling confident about all my life decisions, running 10K before work, being a thoughtful parent and pounding down a garden's worth of kale at every meal.
I'm the same weak-willed, pop-culture obsessed pile of junk that you know and love. Still eating a stupid amount of calories, buying size "I have given up" jeans, losing patience when my kid even breathes on me, and swilling coffee like it's a super food.
And still spend more time with Netflix than my friends.
Like most Netflix fanatics (Netflanatics? I don’t know. I’m not good with nicknames) I have saved approximately 300 shows to my List. I actually get stressed about how many good shows I haven’t yet started. When I do carve out time to watch, I get overwhelmed and don’t know where to start and then I see a million new shows have been added that I am dying to see. It’s a SPIRAL OF ABUNDANCE.
So, in a move of defiance (being a rebel at the age of 40 is exactly as cool as you would think), I just hit Play on the first show that appeared in my feed and that happened to be The Last Man On Earth. There are currently three seasons on Netflix and I am almost done and am almost weeping because I LOVE IT SO MUCH.
Will Forte and the entire cast (not so spoiler alert – he isn’t the last man) are hilarious and the writing is so clever and goofy, and for every deep laugh I emit there is also a touching moment that makes me want to hug all the writers. The weirdest part is I am now actively daydreaming about all the things I would do if *I* was the last woman on Earth. Things like:
Driving a Rolls Royce convertible (they exist right?) at top speed along a beach highway while eating 6 boxes of fruit roll-ups.
Pouring every kind of chip in North America into an empty pool and eating them all before they get moldy.
Wearing all the designer clothing for the most tedious activities. Like, Versace for gardening (...or looking at plants, who am I kidding, I don't like touching dirt). And then never wearing the same thing twice, like Sylvester Stallone, who I once read never wears the same socks twice. NO MO LAUNDRY would be my new life goal.
Sleeping in every celebrity’s bed sideways and sniffing Idris Elba's pillows and underwear and DON'T EVEN PRETEND YOU WOULDN'T.
Smearing all the expensive skin cream all over every inch of my body to see if Creme de la Mer could really make me live forever.
Living on Oprah’s compound and going through all her drawers. The woman must have good secrets in there.
Finding a way to get to Europe so I could get too close to all the art and maybe sit on the statues until my butt got numb.
Only drinking wine that was $2,000 a bottle. With a maraschino cherry at the bottom of the glass, because I am still me.
Once I’m all caught up, I will once again be in the terrifying position of choosing what to watch next, but LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT THAT YET.
To delay that terrible day, I have ben forcing myself to take little breaks to watch other shows like...
Dave Chappelle: Equanimity + The Bird Revelation
He is so wise and thoughtful and well-spoken but mostly so very very funny. I highly recommend both of these.
Black Mirror Season 4
I kind of wish the episodes were in a different order as I thought the first one (USS Callister) was tremendous so the rest just...slightly paled in comparison. But even the "weakest" episode of Black Mirror is still weird and frightening and makes me think about if technology is really my friend. It's not a good feeling and I'm always uncomfortable but it makes for excellent television.
Even Though I Need To Finish Ozark and Narcos And Start Godless, Here's What I Promised 3 Friends I Would Binge Next:
SO MUCH GOOD STUFF. Thank god it's still dark at 3PM and I don't feel guilty about being horizontal for hours for another month (AT LEAST) with one be-crumbed hand stuffed in a chip bowl.
As a member of Netflix Canada's #streamteam I will be giving you the straight goods on what I'm watching each month in exchange for a yearly membership. It's a match made in heaven, really.