I take my health for granted which is why when I get sick, you want to avoid me like the *plague. (*Quits day job to go write for Big Bang Theory.)
I’m suddenly the introspective ancestor of the most depressed Bronte sister, all long lopes out of rooms with tears prickling the corners of my eyes, non-blinking gazes out windows, and martyr-like dramatic declarations. “I’ll be FINE. It’s FINE. It’s just a FULL BODY INFECTION really.”
Nobody likes me. Everybody hates me. I think I’ll go eat more germs.Read More
I take a lot of pictures of my kid but I tend to only film her when she's being totally dumb or weird because I want decent blackmail leverage for when she's older.
But she needs to stop getting older pretty quickly because I'M SORRY NO. When she's too big for me to swing her over my shoulders when I need her to COME ON NOW, then I will be wrestling-style tapping out and standing nervously on the sidelines with my whole hand in my mouth. Crying and mumbling unclear thoughts about boys, periods, bullies and WHAT ABOUT ELSA AND ANNA?
Here's the good news.Read More